Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends. 

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Vino

Ahaaaa I got so drunk last night. By myself, and ate loads of octopus 🙈 feeling like a philosophical master after 2 bottles on white watching pyramid. Ahaha.

im at work and I’m so ill right now. Want to get a hold of my hippy but I don’t know where he is and I’m not one to hassle someone, I’m back on my bipolar meds and feeling pretty clear headed about it all.

 

Spaceships in Egypt.

I’m watching pyramid on Netflix and if you haven’t watched it yet you have too.
Oh god we’re living life so wrong. We’re so limited, our consciousness is so strong. So powerful, so epic! And we have no clue. Honestly I’m waiting to do ayahuasca, one day I will. I’ll save the money to go to Peru, stay with a shaman and drink it. I want to face everything. See mother ayahuasca for who she is, I want her to lead me and teach me.
We live in such a backwards world where healing drugs are illegal and alcohol is not. Where we cannot step outside of our consciousness for the fear of what THEY think we will see.
One day we will all see, and we will grow in the way the ancient Egyptians did, and we will know the power they knew and be one and be whole. Our planet will be happy, we will feel a joined consciousness; not even just as humans but with animals and the plans and oceans and we will all be as one.
My body will not be here to witness but my soul will.
It will be a beautiful time.

Ayahuasca

I’m watching pyramid on Netflix and if you haven’t watched it yet you have too.
Oh god we’re living life so wrong. We’re so limited, our consciousness is so strong. So powerful, so epic! And we have no clue. Honestly I’m waiting to do ayahuasca, one day I will. I’ll save the money to go to Peru, stay with a shaman and drink it. I want to face everything. See mother ayahuasca for who she is, I want her to lead me and teach me.
We live in such a backwards world where healing drugs are illegal and alcohol is not. Where we cannot step outside of our consciousness for the fear of what THEY think we will see.
One day we will all see, and we will grow in the way the ancient Egyptians did, and we will know the power they knew and be one and be whole. Our planet will be happy, we will feel a joined consciousness; not even just as humans but with animals and the plans and oceans and we will all be as one.
My body will not be here to witness but my soul will.
It will be a beautiful time.

I met this boy when I was working. This beautiful hippy boy on a bmx with crystals round his neck and braids tied in his hair.

fuck he was beautiful. He’s got these really soft eyes and long eyelashes, and this crazy laugh that makes me laugh everytime I hear it. He’s fucking mental, honestly. 150% off his fucking rocker mental.

I stay over and we have these long conversations deep into the night, laying on opposite sides of the bed holding hands staring at each other. So mother fucking cliche. And then we have this super hot, fucking amazing sex. On the bed, on the floor, on the bed; changing between bong hits or lines.

And we have these fuckkng beautiful nights that i wish would never end. And in morning he brings me watermelon and paw paw to eat and laughs with me and holds me and its perfect.

And then I leave.

And he’ll be gone for another week.

dissapeared somewhere into the depth of the madness he lives in, and I’ll dissapear into he madness I live in, and it’s almost like we forgot.

like we forgot the cosmic pull between us, the electricity when we kiss, the safety he brings.

And I’ll wait until next time.

Amd honestly I don’t mind to wait, I’m dating other people and I know he is too. But I don’t want what we have to end yet. I don’t want him to get into a relationship and have to stop our kisses.

Honestly he’s one of the most beautiful souls I’ve met.

they say when you find a beautiful flower you shouldn’t pick it you should admire it and let it grow, honestly baby, I could admire you all day.

Life and anxiety.anxiety

Life and anxiety

I was talking to my housemate last night after one of our late gym sessions, sitting on the balcony hyped on endorphins, smoking my cigarettes.
Anxiety hits us all, the world we live in is not the world we were supposed to live in. The pressure we feel everyday with money, jobs, loves, friends isn’t right. Both of us being from Europe we’ve grown up in such a hectic environment its rubbed off on us and we’re literally conditioned to run at 150mph.
I remember going to Glastonbury festival last year, it’s a massive music festival in England with healing fields and Vegan food all over the place, yoga sessions, group healing. It’s beautiful. Honestly I look back on that memory with complete nostalgia and warm fuzzies in my heart. I spent 8 days living in my friends van, eating 2cb and listening to amazing music with a really beautiful friend of mine. By the end of the festival I was drained, completely washed from the drugs but content and so so mellow.
I’m so empathetic it’s like I can feel everyone’s vibes from them a mile away and being in Glasto on the sacred lay lines really amped this up for me. I headed (very reluctantly) back to London after the festival to go home and Jesus was I a mess. I felt the weight of he whole city on my soul, everyone’s worries and angst and all the pain just flooded back into my heart.
I spent a week in London and decided to move to Australia, luckily I got a job out here working for sea Shepard (id been fundraising for Greenpeace back home) and honest to god it was best thing I’ve ever done. I feel like I’m repairing myself, I feel more myself now than I ever did before. All I had to do was move away from everyone and everything I knew and start again, start fresh and learn to love who I was with no expectations from anyone around me.
If you struggle with anxiety/ depression honestly you need to get out there and travel. Live in a hostel, make beautiful friends, live a life without restraint and the restraint will leave you. Never be scared to say yes and just up and leave because, and excuse me for sounding so drake, you do really only live once and you have to make it beautiful and rich and amazing.
Feeling very happy today, bring on the weekend ahead partying with my beautiful friends in a beautiful town
Peace and love
X

Fuck love: nones gunna change my mind, all they want to do is fuck and fuckboys always waste my time.

Damn I feel so anxious today. I have this really hardcore feeling of impending doom sitting in the pit of my stomach.
I think my bipolar makes it hard to date me, honestly, I know I shouldn’t think like that about myself but I’m intense. I like affection and reassurance and to be treated how I treat you. If I’m fucking you the likelihood is that I’m not fuck anybody else and I’m probably pretty into you. And yet this weekend this dude I’ve been seeing turns up at the club with some other chick and gets with her right in front of me. Mate. What the fuck is that.
Even the ones who you think are nice are fucking assholes when it comes down to it. Use your fucking mind, if you like me tell me, if your not I to it, tell me. I’m not a fucking child and I think we all deserve honesty. It stops us being unsure and allows us to feel comfort in the fact we’re not falling for someone who has no interest in us beyond sex.
I’m watching everyone around me get into relationships and it happens so easy for them. Then here I am single for 4 years, everybody dropping that ‘but your so pretty! How can you be single?!’ Get out of here. I’m single because the male species are incapable of not being a complete fuck wit. I’m sorry guys it’s not all of you, unfortunately maybe I’m not the best at picking them and probably attract the wrong type of people because of how I dress or what the fuck ever.
Sick of the shit, want to fall back in love, can’t do it.