So here I am at 2:30 in the morning, I’m starting a New job tomorrow, have to be up at 7 and I can’t sleep. This isn’t new to me and in fact recently this is becoming a regular occurrence. I eat well, exercise, try to meditate when I can and yet sleep doesn’t seem to come easy.
I’ve always had anxiety/ depression/ bipolar whatever you wanna call it and it’s times like now, laying awake, that all the old shit seems to creep back into my head. Conversations I had a year ago, the way i responded to someone earlier, how I never fulfilled the things I wanted to fulfil. And I know mentally that right now isn’t the time to think of it, should I really be sat here on my phone? No.
I know nicotine is a problem and yet I just went for a cigarette because I’m restless, I know alcohol is a problem but I drunk a glass of tequila to try and ease the anxiety, and I know drugs are a problem so I’m trying not to smoke a joint before I go to bed.
I’m here wondering when this night will end so I can wake up tomorrow and be fresh and ready. I need a new start in my life, to quit the drugs and drinking and smoking and become who I really want to be instead of numbing it down with all these substances.
Anyway, wish me luck for the sleep tonight and prey I’m not a zombie in the morning.